Boy Ngongo

The joke that made everyone in GY shift die laughing

. : SI BOY NGONGO : .

Tinawag ni Inay si Boy, ang batang ngo-ngo. "Boy, magpunta ka sa tindahan ni Aling Petra at bumili ka ng isang latang Pork & Beans."

"Omo, inay," ang sagot ni Boy. Pagdating ni Boy sa tindahan ay binati niya ang tindera, "Aning Metra,ngamuta na mo ngayo? (Kamusta na po kayo?)"

"Mabuti naman," ang sagot ni Petra, "ano ang kailangan mo Boy?"

"Mangmilan nga mo ng inang lata ng Mo e Meen?" ang tanong ni Boy.

"Ano kamo, Boy? sabi ni Petra.

"Isa mong Mo e Meen," ang ulit ni Boy.

"Paki-ulit nga Boy at hindi kita maintindihan."

"Mo e Meen, Mo e Meen, nyung nata lata."

"Hindi talaga kita maintindihan. Mabuti pa kaya ay i-spell mo na lang sa akin."

"O ninge. Mo e Meen. Netter Mi."

"Letter 'B'?" Ang tanong ng tindera.

"Ine! Netter Mi as in Minimines."

"Ha???"

"Mi!" Kinanta ni Boy ang alphabet, "Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee..En, Em, En, O, Mi"

"Ahhh, P! Letter P!" ang masiglang sagot ni Petra.

"Oo. Mi! Mo e Meen!"

"Sige ituloy mo Boy. 'P'..."

"Ngo!"

"Ano kamo?"

Kumanta ulit, "Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... En, Em, En, O"

"Ahhh, titik O! P-O. Sige ituloy mo pa."

"Netter Arrng!"

"Kantahin mo na lang ulit Boy."

"Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee... En, Em, En, O, Mi, Ngyu, Arrng."

"Ahhh! Letter R. Malapit na. 'P-O-R'? Hindi ko pa rin makuha, Boy.

Anong letter and susunod?"

"Ngey."

"Letter A?"

"Ini ho," sabay buntung-hininga si Boy. "Ngey! A, Ma, Nga (A-Ba-Ka-Da ang kinanta)! Nga!"

"Ka! Letter 'K' 'P-O-R-K' Ahhh Pork!!!"

"Oo. Mo e Meen"

"Pork and?" Ang tanong ni Petra.

"Oo!! Mo e Meen!!!"

"Pork and Meen? Ahhhh!!! Alam ko na!!! Pork and Beans!!!"

"Oo! Oo!! Mo e Meen!! Mo e Meen!!!!" ang masayang sigaw ni Boy.

"Pork and Beans pala ang kailangan mo!!!"

"Oo. Mo e Meen! Menon ngayo? (Meron kayo?)"

"Ay, naku wala!"

What Star Wars did to me

I listed the following things that I remember most with how Star Wars changed my life.

1. I named myself Darth Obert during the heat of Star Wars 1: The Phantom Menace mania and since then, the evil force in me has unleashed.
2. I had a dog I named Ewoks which was slaughtered after biting a neighborhood kid. I spent a fortune that I need to shoulder all the expenses in the hospitalization of the kid in San Lazaro Hospital. I also lost my beloved dog (sigh).
3. The huge teddy bear I gave my girlfriend last Christmas 2004 was named Wicket because it looked like one (Wicket was a loyal, curious and adventurous young Ewok scout when he first met Princess Leia Organa in the forests of Endor's moon. The lone Ewok found a strange offworlder knocked unconscious from a speeder bike accident. Tentatively prodding her with his spear, the jittery scout was surprised to find this strange creature not only alive, but friendly as well). After two months, my girlfriend became pregnant.
4. I was able to locate and name Amygdaloid (nucleus in the brain, a structure that anatomists thought resembled an almond) in the Anatomy 2 practical exam in college since I correlated it with Queen Amidala. Since it is a very small anatomical structure in the brain, I was the only one who was able to name it.
5. I had a patient during my internship in Manila Sanitarium and Hospital I named Chewbacca. He died.
6. I bought four huge posters of Star Wars 1:The Phantom Menace in Greenhills and posted `em all over my wall. I realized later that I was charged four times as much as its original price.
7. I had miniature characters of Star Wars when I was a kid (Han Solo, Chewbacca, Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker with a broken lightsaber). I was playing with my toys when my Mom asked me to lead the Angelus prayer at 6:00 pm. I didn't go. Mom crushed my toys.
8. The longest-running wallpaper that I used in my personal computer is a 800x600 close-up picture of Darth Maul. It serves another purpose: scare anybody from logging in my own PC to drive away unauthorized use.
9. Since I created my email address dodgers846@yahoo.com on June 1996, my signature has never been changed. It says: May the FORCE be with you. I never realized I was actually referring to the Dark Force.
10. I seldom purchase original video CDs and DVDs, not unless it is my favorite movie. And if and only if, it is worth buying for a collection. One of those is of course Star Wars 1,2, 4, 5 and 6. No budget for Star Wars 3 yet.
11. The best of it all, I have created a site for the screenplay of Star Wars 1: The Phantom Menace and Star Wars 2: Attack of the Clones.

my review on Star Wars 3

Behold! Now suffer the rage and wrath of my mob's revenge. Hail, for this is the moment of the Sith retribution and all Jedi mankind shall now perish and will be dominated by who else? The Darth Obert that I am. With thy revolting hands, I shall crush Coruscant and annihilate the Republican fleet. Boom goes the Naboo. Tatooine will turn into ashes. And I will reign... Darth Obert, King of Sith, the Evil Jedi!

Nyahahaha, dream on. Credits are now scrolling up the screen but my unblinking eyes are still stuck to where it last had a glimpse of the last picture seen. As my own tradition already as with all the other first five episodes of Star Wars, my mind is still wandering in the void visualizing that I am part of the story, though as a Darth Obert... mesmerized, locked-jaw and breathless, hours and days after the movie (and attempts to watch the movie over and over again). This is already the culmination of the saga and we are now history (as ever been). In the next generations, who will still be talking about us --- the Jedis. Who will remember us? It took George Lucas twenty years to think of a sequel on how to revive the Star Wars mania and now after nine years, we're all done again. How about making Episode 205 on the next twenty years so we will have more episodes to go back to after another trilogy? Whew! Neverending foolishness.

I watched the first two Star Wars movies on the first showing days but this time, having been the air of reparation because this is my movie --- the story about us, the Sith (being the King of it), I intended to watch it ahead of everybody else. So I took my wife with me to Megamall to catch the earliest Premiere Showing and gone agog and euphoric waiting for the dan-dan-dan-dandadan-dandadan soundtrack with its opening tagline "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..." holding my breath. As soon as it started, I'm young again. I became a Jedi once more even just for a couple of hours (not to forget that I am the evil one). And when it's done, it's just another crap.

I already anticipated the plot even before everything started. I hedged myself from spoilers so as not to reveal what has yet to be seen but as a real Star Wars follower, you'll know what's gonna happen. To sum it up, pathetically, I didn't enjoy Revenge of the Sith as much like the others. Maybe because I am cognizant of its track to where the story will go meeting the commencement of Star Wars IV: A New Hope. The scene started from a fiery war in Coruscant planet between the Jedi troop and the Separatists' army led by Grievous, a robot suffering from hiccups, or could be a cough (what a ridiculous concept of George Lucas). Customarily, all Star Wars episodes start with an action-packed scene so expect your timpanic membrane to pop-off your ear with it zing-zing, whumm and baboom sounds. I expected the best fight scene with this movie since this is already its ultimate showdown but it failed my faith. It didn't boil my bloodstream as compared to the effects in Attack of the Clones' chase between Anakin and Obi-Wan with the infiltrator to Padme while she was sleeping. I was also waiting for a match to shake-off the scene where young, adorable Ani soars in the Pod Race (Star Wars 1) or something like the chase scene of Ewoks where they outnumbered the battle droids flying in full velocity with their snowspeeders (Return of the Jedi). There was none. All it has is Obi-Wan Kenobi with a short stint of battle riding in a humungous creature (I don't know what it's called) and it's nothing but a crap.

When Ani and Obi-Wan found Chancellor Palpatine in detention and then suddenly Count Dooku evolves from the screen, you already know what's going to happen. Euuw! As if you don't know that it's Palpatine who's going to be the evil Darth Sidious and that scene will surely be the mode to lure Anakin to the Dark Side of the Force.

What I didn't expect is the fight scene of Mace Windu whom I thought will just sit around the Jedi Council acting like as if a College Dean waiting for enrollees. It's but a short fight but one of the highlights of this episode. I was hoping to see more like a Morpheus jujitsu-enhanced-cum-lightsaber with a deafening wung-wung sound with it but Anakin aborted my dream to see that scene when he suddenly snuffed the black Jedi Master. That's good anyway. He's so black that I can't see him in the fight scene.

One of my favorites is Master Yoda's duel with Darth Sidious with a superb fight sequence and quite a little comical one visualizing to be evil Palpatine fighting with a green, bouncing Humpty Dumpty. Moreover, Yoda's movements are still quite more atrocious in Attack of the Clones than this one.

Padme, oh yes, Padme... has lost her grandiose beauty in this episode. She's not as stunning and jaw-dropping as with the first two. She always looked like as if she has just gone thru with her laundry. What happened to her imeldific robes? Is she penniless now that she can no longer hire the highest paid couturier in Naboo? I wonder if this was done on purpose. But man, oh man. The lines "I am beautiful because I am in love" is the best dialogue you'll ever hear in this one. So posh and "kilig." So young like as if you're watching teen movies.

And the funniest detail for me in this movie is when Darth Sidious directed Order 66 to all clone troopers. Suddenly I said "what does that mean?" What popped into my mind is the Engineer in Miss Saigon picking up the raffle who wins the whore Gigi Van Tranh and she screams "number 66!" I was wearing a grin in my face thinking that the clone trooper who can defeat the highest ranking Jedi will win a whore from Vietnam. And take note: all the monitors used here are digitally colored while all the succeeding episodes will eventually use green monitors. The catch: Jedi Council in Star Wars 4 ordered to downgrade to green monitors using DOS commands and dot matrix printers since Bill Gates' softwares have bugs. Bugs will create virus. Virus will destroy Death Star. The Darths will again win the war, harharhar.

To sum up everything, it's the worst Star Wars episode for me. There is no plot at all. Well, there is, but with a stinking storyline. What you can see is all but George Lucas' justifications on how the first trilogy will now meet the old trilogy. The story is like compressed excerpts summarized into just an hour and a half movie embellished with action scenes with no extraordinary effects at all. What you will see are things you've already seen before.

I am a real die-hard fan that it takes me years to wait for the denouement of this classic. It has now ended. Though I'm not real impressed but I am overwhelmed at least. This is the part of where my story is written. It's a crap, sure, but it's a masterpiece. I didn't expect that the last movie tells about the revenge of the Sith when I named myself the King of it since The Phantom Menace was born.

Ironically, it came on as Star Wars III when my real name is Norberto III. Strange...

Star Wars quiz answer key

1. Which former Jedi commands a droid army that attacks the Republic?
Count Dooku is the correct answer!

2. Name the character who gives birth to twins Luke and Leia.
Padme Amidala is the correct answer!

3. Who is the only actor with a speaking part in all six movies?
Anthony Daniels as C-3PO is the correct answer!

4. Which two Jedi knights are sent to rescue the kidnapped Chancellor Palpatine?
Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi is the correct answer!

5. Who says, "Twisted by the dark side young Skywalker has become."
Yoda is the correct answer! (Ok, that was an easy one.)

6. Who are the only actors to appear in all six films?
Both is the correct answer!

7. Which character appears in all six films but is played by two different actors?
Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor and Sir Alec Guinness) is the correct answer!

8. Clone Commander Bacara's number is 113. What other George Lucas-directed movie is that a reference to?
THX-1138 is the correct answer!

9. Name the Australian, 15-year-old Oscar nominee who joins the cast as the Queen of Naboo.
Keisha Castle-Hughes is the correct answer! Castle-Hughes was nominated for best actress in 2004 for "Whale Rider."

10. The rating of Star Wars: Episode III — Revenge of the Sith is PG-13. How many of the previous Episodes have been assigned that rating?
None -- they've all been rated PG is the correct answer!

Star Wars quiz

Have you seen Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith already? I just did. Here's a quiz for you to test if you really are a Jedi or not (or course what I mean is if you really are a Star Wars die-hard fan like me or not). My next post will be my review for the movie. I still can't write one at this time as I am still mesmerized and the phantoms of each scene still flickers in my mind. I still am not breathing. I need an artificial aspirator. Gasp...

1. Which former Jedi commands a droid army that attacks the Republic?
A. Obi-Wan Kenobi
B. Anakin Skywalker
C. Emperor Palpatine
D. Count Dooku

2. Name the character who gives birth to twins Luke and Leia.
A. Shmi Skywalker
B. Beru
C. Padme Amidala
D. None of the Above

3. Who is the only actor with a speaking part in all six movies?
A. Peter Mayhew as Chewbacca
B. Anthony Daniels as C-3PO
C. Frank Oz as Yoda
D. Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker

4. Which two Jedi knights are sent to rescue the kidnapped Chancellor Palpatine?
A. Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi
B. Mace Windu and Obi-Wan Kenobi
C. Anakin Skywalker and Mace Windu
D. Count Dooku and Mace Windu

5. Who says, "Twisted by the dark side young Skywalker has become."
A. Mace Windu
B. Yoda
C. C-3PO
D. R2-D2

6. Who are the only actors to appear in all six films?
A. Anthony Daniels (C-3PO)
B. Kenny Baker (R2-D2)
C. Both

7. Which character appears in all six films but is played by two different actors?
A. C3-PO
B. Obi-Wan Kenobi
C. R2-D2
D. Boba Fett

8. Clone Commander Bacara's number is 113. What other George Lucas-directed movie is that a reference to?
A. 1:42:08: A Man and His Car
B. 6-18-67
C. American Graffiti
D. THX-1138

9. Name the Australian, 15-year-old Oscar nominee who joins the cast as the Queen of Naboo.
A. Keisha Castle-Hughes
B. Florencia Padilla
C. Keshia Knight-Pulliam
D. Abbie Nichols

10. The rating of Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith is PG-13. How many of the previous Episodes have been assigned that rating?
A. Two -- The Empire Strikes Back and Attack of the Clones
B. Three -- The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi and Attack of the Clones
C. None -- they've all been rated PG.
D. One -- The Empire Strikes Back

May the FORCE be with you!

Star Wars: Now Showing

In a few more days, Star Wars 3: Revenge of the Sith will now invade the cinemas and a multitude of die-hard avid fans (me, included) will again swarm the malls trying to be the earliest bird in the long queue of a million people awaiting to see how the story will end. Or should I say... how the trilogy meets the old trilogy. What really can't coincide in my mind is how the hell the first three episodes (which includes The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones) have a more superior technology than that of the last three episodes when these three are actually prelude to Star Wars 4; A New Hope. So what could be George Lucas' excuse here? That the FORCE was actually exacerbated by the annihilation of all powers under the Empire? I wonder should Lucas put this episode into denouement of blasting all planets which led to devastation of apparatuses responsible to the creation of state-of-the-art machineries. Ergo, technology in all planets will all start from scratch. Death Star dies. Zero. Blunt.

After watching Star Wars 3 and have gotten yourself engrossed with the superb digital effects and Dolby stereo which could pop your timpanic membrane up, get your ass home and watch Star Wars 4 via DVD to reconcile how the movie ended with how A New Hope started. Eeuuw! I bet you'd turn the DVD player off and opt to watch Kamao series instead (while munching your leftover popcorn since you can't eat `em inside the theater due to your mesmerism over the movie).

I don't remember having seen the first trilogy since I bet I wasn't born yet when these three invaded cinemas worldwide. All I knew is that a lot of freebies i.e. mugs, caps, miniature characters, shirts; with all Star Wars characters and other what-nots printed on these mega-expensive items are being sold in all participating stores. I don't remember exactly how I got addicted to this movie (not necessarily with the plot, cause it's really futile) to the extent that I think I am a Darth and even naming myself one. I don't know how I got into Tatooine but I have envisioned myself I suddenly sprouted in Sith, so I became the King of this place (I don't even know where this was). Bottomline is... I am a Jedi, an evil one. You can't track my story in the six episodes coz it's not in there. My biography alone as Darth Obert is even more than those 6 episodes which made George Lucas a rich man.

When Star Wars 1 was shown in the Philippines, I was there at the first-day showing in SM City along with my friend Aldwin (I don't know where he is now, he's also a Jedi) and since we're still students at that time, we didn't eat popcorn. We only had enough money to buy tickets. Since then, I have memorized all the characters in the movie, and gets troubled pronouncing "Shmi." Few years after, here came Star Wars 2 and I was already in my internship. Again on the first showing day, we all gathered to the nearest mall to catch the Attack of the Clones (wondering to see a story of how Taiwan-made PCs conquered Greenhills) along with my co-interns from DLSU and our Clinical Supervisor sir Jhun (who I think is Jabba the Hut at that time). As soon as "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..." starts scrolling the screen, my jaw starts to lock in awe and fascination. I'm a Jedi once again! And after the curtain calls, it's the same old crap. We contributed to make George Lucas to become four million richer again. We fooled ourselves more than he fooled us.

Since I am Darth Obert and my wife's conceiving a child in her womb right now, who could it be? If he's a he, shall I name him Skywalker? Or if she's a she, shall I call her... uhmm, Starapple? Does that sound very Star Wars-y name?

Just meet me in the movies. May the FORCE be with you... and also with you.