Behold! Now suffer the rage and wrath of my mob's revenge. Hail, for this is the moment of the Sith retribution and all Jedi mankind shall now perish and will be dominated by who else? The Darth Obert that I am. With thy revolting hands, I shall crush Coruscant and annihilate the Republican fleet. Boom goes the Naboo. Tatooine will turn into ashes. And I will reign... Darth Obert, King of Sith, the Evil Jedi!Nyahahaha, dream on. Credits are now scrolling up the screen but my unblinking eyes are still stuck to where it last had a glimpse of the last picture seen. As my own tradition already as with all the other first five episodes of Star Wars, my mind is still wandering in the void visualizing that I am part of the story, though as a Darth Obert... mesmerized, locked-jaw and breathless, hours and days after the movie (and attempts to watch the movie over and over again). This is already the culmination of the saga and we are now history (as ever been). In the next generations, who will still be talking about us --- the Jedis. Who will remember us? It took George Lucas twenty years to think of a sequel on how to revive the Star Wars mania and now after nine years, we're all done again. How about making Episode 205 on the next twenty years so we will have more episodes to go back to after another trilogy? Whew! Neverending foolishness.
I watched the first two Star Wars movies on the first showing days but this time, having been the air of reparation because this is my movie --- the story about us, the Sith (being the King of it), I intended to watch it ahead of everybody else. So I took my wife with me to Megamall to catch the earliest Premiere Showing and gone agog and euphoric waiting for the dan-dan-dan-dandadan-dandadan soundtrack with its opening tagline "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..." holding my breath. As soon as it started, I'm young again. I became a Jedi once more even just for a couple of hours (not to forget that I am the evil one). And when it's done, it's just another crap.
I already anticipated the plot even before everything started. I hedged myself from spoilers so as not to reveal what has yet to be seen but as a real Star Wars follower, you'll know what's gonna happen. To sum it up, pathetically, I didn't enjoy Revenge of the Sith as much like the others. Maybe because I am cognizant of its track to where the story will go meeting the commencement of Star Wars IV: A New Hope. The scene started from a fiery war in Coruscant planet between the Jedi troop and the Separatists' army led by Grievous, a robot suffering from hiccups, or could be a cough (what a ridiculous concept of George Lucas). Customarily, all Star Wars episodes start with an action-packed scene so expect your timpanic membrane to pop-off your ear with it zing-zing, whumm and baboom sounds. I expected the best fight scene with this movie since this is already its ultimate showdown but it failed my faith. It didn't boil my bloodstream as compared to the effects in Attack of the Clones' chase between Anakin and Obi-Wan with the infiltrator to Padme while she was sleeping. I was also waiting for a match to shake-off the scene where young, adorable Ani soars in the Pod Race (Star Wars 1) or something like the chase scene of Ewoks where they outnumbered the battle droids flying in full velocity with their snowspeeders (Return of the Jedi). There was none. All it has is Obi-Wan Kenobi with a short stint of battle riding in a humungous creature (I don't know what it's called) and it's nothing but a crap.
When Ani and Obi-Wan found Chancellor Palpatine in detention and then suddenly Count Dooku evolves from the screen, you already know what's going to happen. Euuw! As if you don't know that it's Palpatine who's going to be the evil Darth Sidious and that scene will surely be the mode to lure Anakin to the Dark Side of the Force.
What I didn't expect is the fight scene of Mace Windu whom I thought will just sit around the Jedi Council acting like as if a College Dean waiting for enrollees. It's but a short fight but one of the highlights of this episode. I was hoping to see more like a Morpheus jujitsu-enhanced-cum-lightsaber with a deafening wung-wung sound with it but Anakin aborted my dream to see that scene when he suddenly snuffed the black Jedi Master. That's good anyway. He's so black that I can't see him in the fight scene.
One of my favorites is Master Yoda's duel with Darth Sidious with a superb fight sequence and quite a little comical one visualizing to be evil Palpatine fighting with a green, bouncing Humpty Dumpty. Moreover, Yoda's movements are still quite more atrocious in Attack of the Clones than this one.
Padme, oh yes, Padme... has lost her grandiose beauty in this episode. She's not as stunning and jaw-dropping as with the first two. She always looked like as if she has just gone thru with her laundry. What happened to her imeldific robes? Is she penniless now that she can no longer hire the highest paid couturier in Naboo? I wonder if this was done on purpose. But man, oh man. The lines "I am beautiful because I am in love" is the best dialogue you'll ever hear in this one. So posh and "kilig." So young like as if you're watching teen movies.
And the funniest detail for me in this movie is when Darth Sidious directed Order 66 to all clone troopers. Suddenly I said "what does that mean?" What popped into my mind is the Engineer in Miss Saigon picking up the raffle who wins the whore Gigi Van Tranh and she screams "number 66!" I was wearing a grin in my face thinking that the clone trooper who can defeat the highest ranking Jedi will win a whore from Vietnam. And take note: all the monitors used here are digitally colored while all the succeeding episodes will eventually use green monitors. The catch: Jedi Council in Star Wars 4 ordered to downgrade to green monitors using DOS commands and dot matrix printers since Bill Gates' softwares have bugs. Bugs will create virus. Virus will destroy Death Star. The Darths will again win the war, harharhar.
To sum up everything, it's the worst Star Wars episode for me. There is no plot at all. Well, there is, but with a stinking storyline. What you can see is all but George Lucas' justifications on how the first trilogy will now meet the old trilogy. The story is like compressed excerpts summarized into just an hour and a half movie embellished with action scenes with no extraordinary effects at all. What you will see are things you've already seen before.
I am a real die-hard fan that it takes me years to wait for the denouement of this classic. It has now ended. Though I'm not real impressed but I am overwhelmed at least. This is the part of where my story is written. It's a crap, sure, but it's a masterpiece. I didn't expect that the last movie tells about the revenge of the Sith when I named myself the King of it since The Phantom Menace was born.
Ironically, it came on as Star Wars III when my real name is Norberto III. Strange...
