Resign! Quit! Leave!
That’s what my heart is crying out. I have contemplated for this decision in a month and I ended up with a final, irrevocable verdict: I AM NOW RESIGNING! It is a tough judgment to make but this is the only just and rational conclusion that I can think of. It is a heart-breaking event in someone’s life to leave the workplace where you have stayed for couple of years and turn your back to people whom you cordially worked with, laughed with and dreamt for success in life. But every beginning has an end… now matter how painful it is.
The primary reason why I am leaving is because I am flying to the US in the next few months. I have planned, dreamt and worked on this for years now. The time is running out, I have to leave my family behind to give them a better life offshore. What’s the price? Work hard ‘til you drop. Every sweat and blood that drops to the ground is convertible to dollars. All the happiness that will be given up is an earning for my children’s future. And that’s what makes me move mountains right now.
But… that’s what my conscious mind dictates. At the back of my mind, something else is covering up the reasons that I made to quit my job. As I am spending and enjoying my week-long vacation leave, a nightmare is bothering me… I am leaving the company because of a dreadful feeling of resentment that had dwelt inside of me for a long time. And now it has exploded and crippled my mind to work effectively and efficiently on my last few days at work. Why do I feel this way?
I finally construed that I have lost my utmost enthusiasm to work hard. I am demotivated. I was forgotten. It’s been a year and I am still where everyone else left me. Unscathed. Pathetic. I remember I did everything to step up but no one noticed. I followed the rules by the book and nobody saw it. And I realized that what I did is wrong. Working hard and performing as a good employee is not enough. This will do you no good. Forget about promotions because you will never get it. Exert some more effort. Do the unimaginable. I looked back on the things that I have seen, evident and discreet, that made people go places. I ran down a list and I am titling it as:
THE BETTER AND MORE EFFECTIVE GUIDE TO SUCCESS:
1. Turn your “epal” mode ON at all times. Don’t master your craft. Leave a room for disputes and complaints so you can make noise. In that way, you are being noticed. Instead, work on the tasks delegated to other employees. This will show that you are also concerned about other duties on top of your own responsibility. Tip: If a program is working fine, find a way to destroy it. Flaunt to higher departments that you can fix it. And you become the company’s hero. They start to love your name.
2. Stay in the office for more than 8 hours a day. Read: I said “stay” in the office, not “work.” Do your duties for only 6 hours, and the rest, spend it puffing a pack of Marlboro lights with employees with higher positions; play billiards with them; share your impressive insights about Prison Break, CSI, Heroes, et. al., then transition to topics about your interest to promotions; stir them with your collection of favourite records and flicks; puff some more sticks. The next day, rub along with your co-workers and complain about being overworked and yet underpaid.
3. Walk around the office with a loud voice. You have the edge if you are tall. Employees don’t need to stand from their cubicles to see you. When everyone else hears you, they tend to ask “Who is that guy?” Now, you are noticed. In one way or another, you will be included in a conversation during 15-minute breaks. Don’t mind about being talked about in a cynical way. At least they talk about you. When the hearsay reaches higher departments, you are now known. No sweat.
4. Rub elbows with everyone. Befriend not only those who have their own offices. Throw a party for those who are underdogs. These people can be bribed. They can make testimonials about how good you are (not particularly at work). When this reaches the big bosses, you name is as sweet-scented as Hugo Boss. Getting a higher position is now a lot more effortless.
5. Be proactive. Yes, you have to be proactive… always. Take the initiative to establish rapport with everyone you see. You already have entrée to your superiors, you have the backup from your co-workers, and you have the testimonials from your underdogs. That’s your new definition of proactive. Keep in mind, you have to be known by everyone. No one advances to higher positions if you don’t have a name.
6. Don’t skip any meetings, conferences and gatherings. You don’t need to concentrate on the agenda. Think about what to comment and make a grandstanding noise to draw their attention on you. Keep your feet on the ground, I mean literally, because you need to stand up so everyone can see you. They heard about your name before, now you are flesh and blood.
7. Never follow proper channelling. If there are issues that concern your duties, why the hell should you report it to your supervisor or manager? You already have the access to the big bosses. Bypass them; it will only do them good. Remember, you were the only who will raise an issue. If this gets done, your name should be rewarded with commendation, not them.
8. Finally, talk like them. Be bossy. Use their lingo. Condescend with your inferiors to establish your position. One of my superiors once said: “If you want to become a manager, act like one.” This is your perfect time.
Trust me, these things worked. I’ve seen so many people who were promoted not doing what I do but practising these rituals. Am I bitter? YES. At least I’m not a sucker. People who get promoted are like janitor fish, they don’t need to swim to get to the surface… they just have to suck the glass walls.
